How To Get What You Want In Life
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How to Define What You Want Without Outside Influence
Knowing what you truly want can be challenging when external expectations, societal norms, and the opinions of others constantly shape your decisions. Many people pursue goals that they think they should want, only to realize later that these choices don’t bring fulfillment. Defining what you want requires tuning out external noise and reconnecting with your own desires, values, and vision for life.
Recognizing External Influence
From a young age, people are conditioned to seek approval—whether from parents, teachers, peers, or society at large. Expectations about career paths, relationships, and lifestyle choices can create a false sense of desire. This often leads to decisions made out of obligation rather than authentic passion.
If you feel disconnected from your choices or frequently seek validation, you may be operating under external influence rather than genuine self-awareness. The key to clarity is questioning why you pursue certain goals. Are you making decisions because they align with your values or because they conform to expectations?
Rediscovering Your Own Desires
To uncover what you truly want, it’s essential to remove distractions and reflect on what excites, inspires, and fulfills you. Pay attention to moments when you feel most engaged and energized—these experiences often point to your core desires.
Consider what activities make time pass effortlessly.
Reflect on what topics you naturally gravitate toward.
Think about what kind of impact you want to make in your life and in the lives of others.
Journaling, meditation, and self-inquiry exercises can be powerful tools to help reconnect with your personal aspirations. Taking time away from social media, comparison culture, and outside opinions can also help you hear your inner voice more clearly.
Aligning Your Choices with Your Values
Living authentically means ensuring that your decisions align with your deepest values. If security, freedom, creativity, or service are fundamental to who you are, your life choices should reflect these principles. When decisions contradict personal values, dissatisfaction and burnout often follow.
If you’re struggling to define your values, look at past moments of joy and frustration. What made you feel fulfilled? What experiences drained your energy? These patterns provide insight into what is truly important to you.
Letting Go of Fear and Approval-Seeking
One of the biggest obstacles to defining what you want is the fear of disappointing others. Whether it’s family expectations or societal pressures, breaking away from external validation can be uncomfortable. However, seeking approval at the expense of your own fulfillment leads to long-term dissatisfaction.
Confidence in your choices grows when you practice making decisions based on what feels right for you, rather than what will please others. The more you trust yourself, the easier it becomes to stand firm in your desires.
Creating a Life That Reflects Your True Desires
Once you gain clarity on what you truly want, the next step is aligning your actions with that vision. This might require shifting priorities, redefining success, or setting new goals that better reflect your authentic self.
Surround yourself with people who support your growth.
Set clear boundaries to protect your time and energy.
Pursue goals that bring genuine fulfillment rather than external validation.
Breaking free from outside influence isn’t about rejecting all guidance—it’s about ensuring that the choices you make reflect your true aspirations. The more intentional you become in aligning your life with your own values, the more fulfillment and clarity you will experience.
Want to go deeper? My book, A Life Without Compromise, explores how to break free from societal expectations and live on your own terms.
Looking for more tools? Visit our Recommended Resources page for books, journals, and guides that support your journey.
